No more visitations...
- Ryan Alvar
- Jan 27
- 19 min read
Picture taken at the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs visitation center on Monday December 23rd, 2024 in Duluth, MN. Declan (4) and Sloane (3) Alvar
As I write this it's been 209 days since my children were taken from me. This coming Sunday February 2nd, 2025 marks seven months.
It's been a month since I posted an update but that doesn't mean there isn't anything going on. There actually is a lot going on right now besides an update on not having visitation with the kids. There are also reasons for not updating some stuff as things have escalated in some regards and it's not in my or my children's best interest in sharing publicly. But will hopefully be beneficial in the long run.
This past month:
I've been busy with work as I've had a bunch of projects hit so that's good.
I had an expedited child support hearing on January 2nd as the State of Minnesota wants to be reimbursed for money they have put out for Amy as they're supporting her. Amy also wants to be paid child support and back dated to July 2024 from when she kidnapped our children. Believe it or not but the State of Minnesota is supporting this effort even though there are laws against what she's doing. These laws are clearly listed in the child support paperwork I received for the hearing, such as child alienation can cause her to lose custody of the children. I brought it up in the hearing but the judge dismissed it. We weren't able to accomplish anything in this hearing as my financials last year were lower than they've been in a very long time due to our workload dropping last year. Amy should understand this as she lived it for half the year but refused to so I'm having to provide my financials for a future hearing on February 13th. So, in the State of Minnesota it is okay to make false allegations of child abuse (I have a court order that states that Amy's allegations were false), kidnap your children from the other parent (kidnap is defined as: to seize and detain or carry away by unlawful force or fraud and often with a demand for ransom), unlawful because her allegations were false, and the State of Minnesota will help you by allowing child alienation, child abuse (audio recordings from visitation center), will pay you for it and will charge the other parent for your cost and the states costs. Isn't that unreal? Commit these acts and we'll pay you for it!
I had a motion hearing for the OFP case on January 8th as I requested the court to reconsider it's previous order based on the order being blatantly wrong in regards to all evidence provided as well as an upcoming psychological evaluation that Amy has agreed to. My argument was once Amy undergoes the psychological evaluation and we have a professional medical expert testify to her mental state, her testimony that provides opposing opinions to the provided evidence will make sense. I had to request this motion at the time to meet the states deadline to file it. So I was basically asking the court to put a hold on the decision to hear the motion until the psychological evaluation was complete. I was also arguing that I had asked the court to require a psychological evaluation during that trial and they denied it. Therefore now that one is in process it is new evidence that was not able to be provided to me during the hearing. The judge ruled against me and denied the request to file a motion of reconsideration. She stated that Amy's mental health had noting to do with our OFP case but it could have a bearing on the custody case moving forward.
The State of Minnesota believes that someone's mental state has nothing to do with their statements or actions? Or, their mental state should be taken into account in one case but not another? I don't understand how a progressive society can operate this way, still. Every decision in this case has been arbitrary rather than using facts and common sense. There's another name for that, biased.
So right now there are no more motions before the court in the OFP case. That doesn't mean it's over. I still have options and am still going to do whatever I can to overturn the courts biased decision. The next step will be the Appeals Court of Minnesota. I know Amy's attorney thinks the timeline to appeal has passed and has filed this case away, but like I said, I've got a lot going on and I'm not telling the whole story right now. More to come on this one...
On January 30th I have a pretrial hearing as the State of Minnesota along with the City of Duluth are charging me with the crime of an OFP violation. We had our arraignment last month to which I plead not guilty. This is for me allegedly sending Amy an emoji of the number "100" on social media. This one 💯. Yep, I plead not guilty for sending this emoji but both the State of Minnesota and the City of Duluth are going to go forward and prosecute me for it. Again, some of what I'm not sharing should legally make this case go away. But, at this point I don't trust the State of Minnesota or the City of Duluth so who knows what will transpire. I'm fighting it. That's all I know right now.
Getting to the point of this post, No more visitations. For a reason that has not been shared with me, the visitation center we were using in Duluth decided to change their policy and are not going to allow audio or video recordings during visitations. This change comes after they have witnessed child abuse per State of Minnesota law on my children which has been recorded in blog post: https://www.ryanalvar.com/post/december-11th-2024-visitation
Here are our state laws regarding child abuse and parental alienation:
State of Minnesota Statues 2024:
609.378 NEGLECT OR ENDANGERMENT OF CHILD.
Subdivision 1.Persons guilty of neglect or endangerment.
(a)(1) A parent, legal guardian, or caretaker who willfully deprives a child of necessary food, clothing, shelter, health care, or supervision appropriate to the child's age, when the parent, guardian, or caretaker is reasonably able to make the necessary provisions and the deprivation harms or is likely to substantially harm the child's physical, mental, or emotional health is guilty of neglect of a child and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than 364 days or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000, or both. If the deprivation results in substantial harm to the child's physical, mental, or emotional health, the person may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than five years or to payment of a fine of not more than $10,000, or both. If a parent, guardian, or caretaker responsible for the child's care in good faith selects and depends upon spiritual means or prayer for treatment or care of disease or remedial care of the child, this treatment or care is "health care," for purposes of this clause.
(2) A parent, legal guardian, or caretaker who knowingly permits the continuing physical or sexual abuse of a child is guilty of neglect of a child and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than 364 days or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000, or both.
(b) A parent, legal guardian, or caretaker who endangers the child's person or health by:
(1) intentionally or recklessly causing or permitting a child to be placed in a situation likely to substantially harm the child's physical, mental, or emotional health or cause the child's death; or
and
This is a good read on parental alienation and includes the Minnesota Statue above. The sad fact that I've discovered through this process is many children and parents are affected by parental alienation and our government doesn't do enough to prevent it. If fact they usually place the children in harms way and this needs to change. I've learned this directly from people that have been through it. Both from friends and strangers on the street telling me their story. Until I told my story most hadn't opened up to me about theirs.
and
(1) conceals a minor child from the child's parent where the action manifests an intent substantially to deprive that parent of parental rights
Remember, I have a court order that declares the State of Minnesota has no issue with me parenting my children so this defense cannot be used:
Subd. 2.Defenses.
It is an affirmative defense if a person charged under subdivision 1 proves that:
(1) the person reasonably believed the action taken was necessary to protect the child from physical or sexual assault or substantial emotional harm;
Since the OFP is still being enforced this could be a defense but since Amy suggested we have visitation at a supervised visitation center, we could also exchange at a supervised visitation center so this defense is mute as well:
(2) the person reasonably believed the action taken was necessary to protect the person taking the action from physical or sexual assault;
After witnessing these kids at the beginning of every visitation and listening to the audio of our visits it is clear that parental alienation is happening and that there is mental and emotional harm to these kids because of it. The good thing is at every visitation they tend to forget that they weren't supposed to talk to me, play with me, hug me and by the time our visit is over they don't want to go home and want to continue to play and interact. But again, the next visitation always starts the same and I have to pull them back into the fact that I'm their father, I love them, I would never hurt them or their mother and have to start all over again. This alone is causing mental and emotional harm to them so I am hesitant in doing it every week and would rather fix the problem head on and be done with this. Unfortunately the State of Minnesota disagrees with me on this and would prefer my children continue to undergo this abuse. I'll have this evidence in a near future post as the State is still recommending Amy has 100% custody of the kids. Even after witnessing this behavior first hand as well as listening to the recordings. The states excuse for not stepping in is they don't know if the kids always behaved this way. Even though they stated it was concerning... Wow, what an excuse to allow this child abuse and parental alienation to continue. This is your government and every level of it has failed my family so far.
Here is the correspondence from Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs and myself regarding the change in policy that prevents me from documenting child abuse on my children:
From: Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 9:41:11 AM
Subject: Policy Change
Good morning,
I'm writing to let you know that our agency has implemented a new policy in regard to recording devices. We will no longer allow recording either audio or video in the parenting time center. I know you have been recording so this will be a change and I apologize for the frustration this may cause. This is now on the Parenting Time Agreement form. If you are agreeable, I will have you sign a new form tomorrow.
The new language is as follows:
"I agree not to use any form of recording device in the DFPTC unless otherwise stated in the applicable court order."
If the court specifically allows you to record visits, then we will abide by the court's order. Short of that, no recording will be allowed. If a recording is made, using our parenting time services will be suspended.
Per my director, “The Duluth Family Parenting Time Center is for your children to have a visit with you. DAIP believes that recording your visit to improve your family law case shifts the focus from your children to gathering evidence. We are aware you have posted excerpts from previous recordings on the web. DAIP has checked with our attorney to ensure that we are not limiting your rights by implementing this restriction. If this is unacceptable to you, you may choose to conduct your visits at another center.”
Please respond to this email letting me know if you will be present for the next scheduled parenting time on Thursday, 1/9. You can also call and let me know as well. If you have any questions or concerns about the policy change, Scott Miller, our ED, can be contacted at 218-722-2781 x155 or smiller@theduluthmodel.org.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Jennifer Brunette
Parenting Time Center Coordinator and DVRT Advocate
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs
From: Ryan Alvar <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 9:48 AM
To: Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: Re: Policy Change
Wow, so trying to make sure my children are safe when they are clearly being abused per Minnesota child abuse laws is now against your organizations policy? How are you protecting these kids? You're not. The fact is you're protecting the abuser by changing this policy. How can you be a domestic abuse INTERVENTION program? I don't understand.
Ryan -
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: Jennifer Brunette
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 5:16 PM
To: Ryan Alvar <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
Hi Ryan,
I have forwarded your response to our director and have also cc’d him to this email. He is available for a call and can be reached at 218-722-2781 x155. He is willing to talk through how this decision came to be and listen to your concerns.
In regard to the email that I sent you, being that I did not receive a response confirming that you are going to sign the new policy for tomorrow, I am going to take the parenting time off of our calendar for 1/9. If I hear from you by 1:30 on Tuesday (1/14) about Wednesday (1/15), we can still utilize the Wednesday 1:30 – 3:00pm timeslot.
Thank you,
Jennifer
From: rwalvar@gmail.com <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 5:23 PM
To: Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Cc: 'Taylor Schnell' <schne477@gmail.com>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
Jen,
I was waiting for a response from you as this last-minute requirement seems very unprofessional. I’m supposed to see my children tomorrow which doesn’t give me any time for changes this week. As you know I’ve seen them in your visitation center for a total of five times in six months. Which is nothing. I would like to see my children tomorrow as planned.
I will call Taylor now to discuss.
Ryan -
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: rwalvar@gmail.com <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 5:25 PM
To: 'Jennifer Brunette' <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Cc: 'Taylor Schnell' <schne477@gmail.com>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
I just called Taylor and got his vm. I did not leave a message. My number is below for a return call.
Ryan -
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 5:29 PM
Cc: Scott Miller <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
Hi Ryan,
I apologize, I cc’d the wrong email. It is smiller@theduluthmodel.org. His phone number is 218-722-2781 x155.
I knew this policy change would cause frustration and I was prepared for you to not appreciate it. We can keep talking through it although the decision for the change has been made from our director’s position so I think it will be best for you and he to connect directly.
I have already had our staff connect with Amy about cancelling tomorrow but if you and Scott come to a different conclusion, I will try to reach back out to her.
I have cc’d the correct email this time. Again, I apologize for including the wrong one.
Thank you,
Jennifer
From: rwalvar@gmail.com <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 5:32 PM
To: 'Jennifer Brunette' <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Cc: 'Taylor Schnell' <schne477@gmail.com>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
Just so everyone is aware.
The reason I started to record our visitations as I suspected the children were being abused. Luckily, I did record them because they are being abused.
If there was no child abuse, I would not be recording the sessions.
As you can attest to Jen, I do not focus my time with these kids on recording them. I also do not focus our time on hurting their relationship with their mother in any way.
I try to get them over their initial fear, the fear due to the abuse they receive by the hands of their mentally ill mother. The same mother that has physically, mentally and emotionally abused me for years. To which is why I knew the children were being abused.
Besides that, I am actively playing with my children and spending quality time with them. As much as I can.
The recording is only to protect them, and it will be used for that reason.
Also, my time spent with these kids is only at your visitation center, so it is my only opportunity to record the child abuse. Again, if it wasn’t happening, I wouldn’t be doing it.
By you preventing that, you are supporting child abuse and allowing it to continue. I have a very hard time believing if a woman were in my shoes you’d put the same restrictions on her. A very hard time.
Ryan -
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: rwalvar@gmail.com <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 5:33:28 PM
To: 'Jennifer Brunette' <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Cc: 'Scott Miller' <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
Why would you cancel on me? Please contact her.
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: rwalvar@gmail.com <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 8, 2025 5:36 PM
To: 'Jennifer Brunette' <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Cc: 'Scott Miller' <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
See attached Scott.
I had called you at that number at 5:23 PM and didn’t leave a message. I’m available at the number below.
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: Ryan Alvar <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2025 9:52 AM
To: Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Cc: Scott Miller <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: Re: Policy Change
Are we on for today?
Ryan -
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: Scott Miller <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2025 10:02:22 AM
To: Ryan Alvar <rwalvar@gmail.com>; Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: Re: Policy Change
Hi Ryan,
Jen cancelled the visit and I'm not going to override her decision. Please verify with Jen that you will sign the new Parenting Time Agreement (as all participants will sign or re-sign) and that you want a visit scheduled for next week. Understand, there will be no visit without signing the new agreement.
Thank you,
Scott Miller
Executive Director
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs
From: Ryan Alvar <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2025 10:06 AM
To: Scott Miller <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>; Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: Re: Policy Change
Scott,
I understand that but wanted to talk to you first. So you're telling me if I sign the new form I can see my kids today as scheduled?
Ryan -
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Sent: Tuesday, January 14, 2025 3:24 PM
To: Ryan Alvar <rwalvar@gmail.com>; Scott Miller <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
Ryan,
As I have not heard anything from you in regard to the new policy and I had tried to give you as much time as I could before needing to cancel, I am left in the same position as last week and will notify Amy that there will not be parenting time tomorrow.
If you change your mind for next week and are willing to sign our new policy, we can resume scheduling.
I hope you can understand the position I am in as the coordinator of the program. I need family policy/agreement forms to be in place prior to services taking place.
Thank you,
Jennifer
From: rwalvar@gmail.com <rwalvar@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 14, 2025 4:32 PM
To: 'Jennifer Brunette' <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>; 'Scott Miller' <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: RE: Policy Change
Jen,
I 100% understand your position but what I don’t understand is this:
To start, I received your policy change which prevents me from providing evidence of my two young children being abused by their mother at 9:41 am the day before I was to see them.
I responded questioning it at 9:48 am. (7 minutes later)
I received a response to this message at 5:16 pm and was told if I wanted to discuss it to call your director which I tried to do. As I reached his vm I sent an email asking him to return my call. You also said you were going to cancel parenting time.
At 5:29 PM (13 minutes later) you got back to me that you sent me the wrong contact information as Scott was who was supposed to be the contact. I then forwarded my information to Scott. You also said you already cancelled my visitation for the next day. But will reach out to Amy to get it back on the schedule if Scott and I come to a different conclusion.
At 5:33 PM (4 minutes later) I am still waiting for Scott to call me but ask why you would canceled on me and to please call her to set it back up. I did not receive another email from you.
At 9:52 AM the next morning I ask if were still on for today.
At 10:02 AM I received a message from Scott stating he’s not going to override your decision but said if I sign the new policy form, I could see my kids next week.
At 10:06 AM I sent this message, “I understand that but wanted to talk to you first. So you're telling me if I sign the new form I can see my kids today as scheduled?” to which I didn’t get a response.
None of this is coming across as very professional or even legitimate to me. I was told I could contact Scott to which I tried to do. No return call. Within minutes of discussion my visitation is cancelled for no reason as at this point, I never said I wouldn’t sign it. To be honest, I was thinking about it and wanted to discuss it with Scott (as I was told I could do) before making a final decision. When I was told if we came to an agreement, you would contact Amy to get it set back up for the next day. At this point I’m still waiting for Scott to contact me. Pretty hard to make an “agreement” (your words) without a conversation. I ask you to contact Amy to set it back up. This is the day before. There was no need to cancel it so early in the first place and we had time to discuss but there was no response at this point until the following day when I asked if we were still on. Based on this and the fact that you are allowing child abuse per the State of Minnesota to continue by preventing me from documenting my visitation has made me seriously reconsider using your services. Which I’m sure is what you’re trying to accomplish as an organization. As you know there isn’t much to choose from in the Duluth area so that is making my decision even more difficult. Sign a new agreement and work with an organization that supports child abuse (no other way to say it) or not see my kids that are being abused. The same kids I’ve spent a total of six visits with over six months. The same kids you have gotten to know.
So much for helping families.
At this point I’m not sure what I’m going to do as legally my attorneys have been notified and I’m awaiting their response. Although I can’t imagine abandoning my principles and signing that form. Especially with what transpired last week. Again, I understand that’s not an issue for your organization. I also understand there is probably more to this than what you have said. I can appreciate that as I’m sure I know what’s going on. That’s why I wanted to have the discussion. If what’s implementing this policy change is what I think it is, your organization may be a part of these cases for some time to come. Not directly against you but implicated. Even so, there is no reason we couldn’t have worked together to provide a fun / safe environment for my children while working through your issues that caused this policy change.
Ryan -
Ryan Alvar
Cell: (651) 707-6812
From: Scott Miller <smiller@theduluthmodel.org>
Sent: Wednesday, January 15, 2025 4:06 PM
Cc: Jennifer Brunette <jbrunette@theduluthmodel.org>
Subject: Re: Policy Change
Hi Ryan,
I understand that you may choose to not sign the new parenting time agreement. Please let us know if you will or will not so that Jen can adjust our staff schedule accordingly. Your next visit would be Wednesday at 1:30 pm. We would need to have an answer from you by 1:30 on Tuesday, January 21st in order to staff a visit and ensure your kids could be brought to the center. Please let Jen know what your decision is regarding the parenting time agreement.
Sincerely,
Scott Miller
Executive Director
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs
So it comes down to abandoning my principles and signing a new policy form that prevents me from recording evidence for court of child abuse on my children or not seeing my kids. Remember, as these kids were taken from me and I have no other communication with them and this is the only way for me to document their statements. I was told in the beginning that the center would also be documenting any concerning statements that the kids make and to date have not seen one report.
If you remember previously Amy tried to have this requirement added to the policy the day before we were to use their services and I said no and since it wasn't in our court order or a policy of the center it wasn't required to be added. So, obviously she found a way to get it added and I think I know why. Since the visitation center still refuses to call me back and have a discussion about it I can only speculate as to why it is being required now. Again, for reasons I'm not willing to discuss at the moment.
With that said, imagine if she was successful in getting this requirement implemented before our first visit. I would have no documentation of the child abuse / parental alienation. Especially since the State of Minnesota has no issue with it and the visitation center has not made one written record of it.
Lastly, I did have high hopes for the services of Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs visitation center in Duluth, MN as they had seemed to treat me well before this. I was even considering providing a sizeable donation once I didn't require their services anymore but that obviously won't happen now. On a side note, I had asked the center if they'd be willing to change their wording on their marketing to helping families rather than helping women with domestic violence as there is nowhere for men to turn for help in the area. Their response was they would lose their funding if they did that. Huh, I hadn't realized that domestic violence against woman was a commodity but I guess it is. Too bad they choose not to help all victims of domestic violence. Another biased organization in a biased state that allows abuse to continue rather than helping a family in need. I don't know of any other way to explain this. Can you? Am I wrong? If I am I don't understand.
Have you ever found yourself in a nightmare you can't wake up from? I'm living one right now.
Please do what you can to help me. I've been in contact with our government from the Governor's office, to Senators, to Representatives and have gotten some support. By me doing so and having the conversations that I'm having is making me realize our government is not set up to handle mental health crisis and our policies / laws need to change in how we handle them. We can do so much better than we are. If you have any contacts that you think can help me I would appreciate any support you can provide. If you know me, know my family and am willing to help, you could start by contacting your representatives in your state government and sharing our story as these kids need help, Amy needs help and I'm trying but I can't do it all on my own. This is not my story. This is our story if my kids and/or Amy means anything to you. Or, if you have a similar story. There is no reason for another person to have to fight this same battle when we can stop and fix our broken system now. Therefore preventing it from continuing and destroying the next family. If you want to help, help me get the word out. The louder we can be, the more people that will listen, the more impact we have which greatly increases the chances of change.
Lastly, I do not share anything to harm Amy. I share as this is the only way for me to get support and to shine a light on mental health, domestic violence against men, parental alienation, child abuse, and how our government and social programs do nothing to help. They actually promote it by allowing it to happen. This needs to change. Intergenerational abuse needs to end. I need your help.
Thank you for your continued support,
Ryan -
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